| hello to the lost world of xanga. no one will read this but if someone does, i'd love to know where all of my friends are headed to next year. |
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| the end of 2006. the start of 2007. the year i graduate. holy crap. scared? excited? sad? i don't know yet. we'll see where life - and college - take me. |
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| had a blog here, but it was kinda mean. so i deleted it. |
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| wow. reading old blogs is hella-funnie. i read a blog that stated how addcited i was to one tree hill...in 2004! omg. two years of addiction and not even close to trying to quit. well, just thought that was interesting. i wonder if anything i've ever written could get me expelled. wouldn't that be interesting. "girl expelled for over-obsessive love of tv," or "girl expelled for bowling like c***," or the best one, "girl expelled for being emo." what do you guys think? |
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| i hope nobody reads this anymore because i guess i feel like being a downer today and this is going to sound pretty emo. my dad is really starting to get to me. he is constantly reminding me not to eat things because he'd "hate to see me get fat again." how's that for support? geez. i hate it when he does that. his little comments that either piss me off or make me cry (tonight resulted in a few tears btw). or how he mentions things like my sister losing weight when he sees me eat a candy bar (i take that back, it was mentos), i mean what kind of conversation jump was that? me: i want a mentos, him: your sister called, she's running now and is down to such-and-such weight... frick. then i started wondering why i feel so bad. do i think i'm fat? - probably. do i care? - probably. then i thought about it some more and this is what i came up with. i've never had to be ashamed of myself. i've never had problems in school or with sports, or whatever. i mean, i never had any part of me that i needed to hide, that i was ashamed of doing. i know i was chubby when i was little, but when you're little you don't really care, so it never bothered me. but now, that became the one part of me i felt was wrong. something that i had to change. something about me that wasn't good enough. but now i wonder why i feel that way. no one should ever feel they have to hide a part of themselves. so why do i? why do i feel that if i'm overweight that its a horrible thing? why do i get so hurt when my dad cracks a joke and why do i feel so guilty when he points out i'm eating ice cream? idk. what do you think (whoevers reading this)....
i wonder if i'm gonna have the guts to post this, i almost never do. i always write these things and then chicken out about posting them. ah, what the hell. |
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